The Art and Craft of Moving – My Step-by-Step Approach to Relocation – Part II

Welcome Back !

In Part I of “My step-by-step approach to Relocation“, I explored the emotions and nuances one encounters when moving houses. I also shared a glimpse of the challenges faced by me as I navigated through the ‘transition mode’.

Now, it’s time to take you through the next chapter of my ‘relocation journey’.

(For those of you, who have no clue what I’m talking about- or if you’ve simply forgotten what all the fuss was about (I know I had 😉!), I recommend heading over to The Art and Craft of Moving – My Step-by-Step Approach to Relocation – Part I)

Happy reading…! (or-re-reading)

EPISODE 5: Call in the Professionals.

As a single woman Moving Houses was effortless. All I had to do was throw a rucksack over my shoulder, check the train schedule, grab my tickets, and I was all set for my solo adventure.

My shoulders got a break and the rucksack the much deserved retirement, the moment I got those four wheels. Moving became much simpler. I would toss everything that I owned into my car, where they lay abandoned for days and weeks on end. These items would see the light of the new house or cupboard only when I ran out of clean laundry!

Then came marriage, dragging with it the novelty of “Cardboard boxes”. No longer was I able to hide the chaos of my life by simply dumping it in my car. Nor could my better half. Hence, we decided to tuck away our true selves in those boxy bunkers.

What defined our true selves back then? – Our quest for financial freedom, imprisoned in those dense financial books that brought us together as a couple.

Yup, it wasn’t just the ‘pursuit of love‘, rather the ‘pursuit of higher income‘ that sealed the deal for us!

These financial matchmakers, having played their part, were packed and sealed. All the world’s fiscal prudence, once instrumental in uniting us, would now serve as ‘love potion‘ for a different species – book mites!

(I’d love to see the present and future values of the investment portfolios of these termites and their kins! I bet they’ve attained financial self-reliance, something that still eludes us!)

Looking back, “cardboard boxes” were an inflection point in my life. They represented an orderly and coherent structure of what life was about to become. The future ‘Mrs…’ glared at me through those boxy alluring eyes and I won’t lie, I was beyond petrified. ‘Cardboard boxes’ gave me ‘cold feet’ and boy was I shivering!

As per the 90s heartthrob pop-sensation band, Boyzone, ‘When the going gets tough, the tough get goin’! And so, I went, from single to double ensuring that I embraced these boxy buddies. With each move, their number grew exponentially, far outpacing the growth of our small family.

That brings me to the question that was troubling me with the latest move: “Do I seek help or not?”

No points in guessing what my answer was!

Without wasting anymore time or energy I called in the professionals – Mover & Packers.

Scene 1.1: The Movers & Packers

The Mover & Packers or so called ‘Professionals‘, conjures up images of those cheerful and chattering ‘Minions” as they storm in through the gates with their armory;

countless rolls of packing tapes,

box cutters,

markers,

bubble wrap,

foam,

and, of course, the stars of the show : “CARTONS”

The ease and finesse with which ‘the professionals’ usher in chaos to your life, albeit for a very short period of time, is quite admirable.

You are coaxed into a corner of the house, willingly held hostage, banished and left to endure the packing orchestra’s infamous symphony – “Drag, Dump, Rip – Snap and Scratch”. Your ears struggle to adjust to the jarring sounds, while your heart skips a beat every time there’s a rip or a thump – not to forget the occasional ‘crack‘!

Nothing can truly prepare one for this harrowing experience. Trust me! I’m forever struggling.

So as the Movers and Packers take charge, our family is relegated to the corner-most room as we prepare ourselves to sit through this musical mind numbing marathon.

EPISODE 6: The Dismantling.

The gradual undoing of decades’ worth of acquisitions kicks off in the living room.

First to face the gallows is the sofa – the safe haven in those testing COVID days.

The comfy perch from where you binge-watched “The Office”. Finding comfort in Michael Scott’s antics, Dwight’s quirks, and the romance between Pam and Jim – all while a global crises raged at large!

The snug retreat that later transformed into countless post-lockdown parties. Piece by piece, it is dismantled, bubble-wrapped, and carefully tucked away in the corner.

 Next comes the downfall of the drapes.

Gradually, the curtains are pulled down, flooding the room with bright sunlight. An invitation, it seems, for the prying neighbors! From the corner of your eye, you catch a glimpse of a couple already typing furiously. They are no doubt broadcasting the breaking news to the neighborhood’s Whatsapp group!

As you look away, the rest of the belongings are carefully packed and relocated to their temporary space.

Before you know it, your once-familiar living room has transformed into a storage unit – a growing assembly of cartons lining up from every corner of the house. You watch your life unfold like a slow-motion reel, dismantling bit by bit. With each item wrapped, it feels as though your heart is being encased in bubble wrap the same way.

You are led on a walk down the memory- starting with the dining table.

As it’s been dismantled you recall that cold and snowy winter when it was purchased. Braving sub-zero temperatures you made it in time for the “deal of the month“. You wanted to buy a kids friendly furniture. While your husband was wooed by the “white-snowy table“. (Blame it on the season! Winter does that to him).

After a few years spoils and spills of various textures, he stands corrected. Every household purchase now comes from the mind and not the heart.

As the ‘white going on beige‘ table gets wrapped and packed away, the focus moves to the next memory – the balcony umbrella.

This time, you are transported to a sunny summer afternoon in Munich, when all you craved was a bit of a shade. Little did you realize that installing it would leave you financially a shade or two behind!

Let me explain.

After spending hours at the home store and refusing assistance (since you are B2 Level German Language certified Professional!) you return home proudly with your latest buy. As you crack open a beer and eagerly await the umbrella going up, you see that ‘look‘ in his eyes.

After seventeen years of marriage and twenty-five years of knowing each other, we’re not quite at the point where we finish each other’s sentences. However, we can certainly read each other’s distress signals – unspoken words indicating that something is amiss – the base for the umbrella in this case!

Beer back in the fridge, you hurry back to the store, ignoring the “NOT AGAIN!” and the “Grr…ugh…waah !” Once there, you approach the store staff and switch to English (swallowing your pride!) They guide you to the missing piece and later to the cash counter. At the counter, you are busy imagining yourself sipping that cool beer under the very cool shade when a sudden beep and red flash of numbers break your reverie.

Apparently, the base is thrice the price of the top!

The drive back is a reflective one as the boys hum along to the wildly popular (and deeply annoying!) “Wheels on the Bus”. You and your husband start discussing the merits of a “detox diet”. You have been putting it off for a while now. Maybe it’s a sign.

By the time you get home and install the missing piece, the sun has made way for the moon, the beer has fizzled out and the kids are wailing with hunger. Naturally, by now, you’ve lost your ‘sunny disposition’ along with ‘das Geld‘.

But life is not in sulking but in gulping the sorrows! The following Saturday afternoon, sitting under the pricey shade, you enjoy Beer, Brezen & Obatzda with a couple of friends – it all feels worth it now 🙂. Your faith in the ‘good times‘ (albeit with expense) is restored. Detox can wait!

Smiling, I glance back at my husband who acknowledges ‘the look’ and the memory that goes with it.

Similar flashbacks come to your mind as the first half of packing reaches completion.

With most of the rooms now empty and the cartons packed, it looks like we will be spared the hostage crisis by a day.

…But for the biggest challenge that lay ahead – The Children’s Room.

EPISODE 7: The Escape Room.

I believe that a quarter of the inspiration for designing an ‘escape room‘ is drawn from a typical tween’s room. Children’s room is a test every parent must face . No amount of preparation can equip them for what lies beyond that barricaded door!

As your child metamorphoses from a toddler to a teen, so do his surrounding walls and floors. What was once a meticulously styled, IKEA-inspired space has morphed into a shadowy, grimy and chaotic chamber that feels as if it has been abandoned for centuries!

This dungeon of disorder strikes horror into the eyes of the packers. I see their pupils dilating, and perspiration trickling down their faces as they confront the formidable challenge glaring at them.

Determined to take it head-on, they call for reinforcements – more manpower and material. Admirably, I leave them to their task as I retreat to a corner of the room and watch them in awe!

Scene 1.1: A Sanctuary of dust-covered Knowledge & forgotten Creatures– The Books

The termite-ridden financial books of yesteryear have made way for fresh vibrant ones. Now the mites can meet their eternalized counterparts:

The Very Hungry Caterpillar🐛,

The Ant🐜 & The Grasshopper,

The Grouchy Ladybug🐞, and,

Miss Spider’s🕷Tea Party.

Perhaps it’s their chance to glean some wisdom from these charming stories.

They’d be delighted to discover that their mortal enemies – ‘The Angry Birds’ – are themselves under siege by their own arch-nemesis ! One can almost imagine them rooting for the Piggies 🐽! For the intellectually inclined ‘bookworms‘ , the ‘Encyclopedia of insects‘ might shed light on their prehistoric origins. Meanwhile, the adventurous types could be enthralled by the epic journeys of ‘homo-insectians‘ as they traverse across different terrains.

While I’m lost in my thoughts, the Packers carefully nest these paper-bound crawling and flying creatures into their temporary shelter. Boxing up this platter of ‘food for thought‘ for the next brood of termites in the making.

Scene 1.2: The Items Stationed in Attack Formation – The Stationery

As a child, I took great joy in collecting ‘stationery items‘ – my personal treasure!

What was a source of excitement for me was, however, a source of exasperation for my parents.

As a parent myself, I can now totally relate to that feeling!

The children’s stationary is like an unrelenting army, surrounding you the moment you lay open the doors to their hideout – the cabinet.

An infantry of countless pencils, organized into diverse battalions by color, size and sharpness.

Tank formations of erasers in distinct shapes – some seasoned veterans, others fresh recruits.

An artillery unit of sharpeners, a battery of crayons and the special forces of sketch pens.

All poised to spring into action, ready to cover every square inch of the space at the behest of their Army Commanders. Unfortunately, these ‘Generals’ (Boy 1 and Boy 2) are utterly powerless to control the troops. They are at the mercy of the packers’ swift hands.

One by one, the invasion is thwarted and postponed for a later time and place.

Scene 1.3: The Fast & The Furious – Hot Wheels

Boys and their obsession with wheels! 🙄

As children, many are exposed to the thrilling world of death-defying stunts performed by the so-called ‘Hot Wheels’. No wonder they carry this fascination late into adulthood, senselessly splurging on those big toys!

On any normal day, these wheels would be maneuvering their way past obstacles and into various corners of the room.

Alas, today isn’t a normal day. No matter how fast they go, they simply can’t outrun the swifter hands of the packers.

Driven and tossed into their cardboard garage, their engines are shut-temporarily.

Scene 1.4: The jumbled world of Marvels, Disney, DC ,and CN – Action Figures

None of the superpowers possessed by any of the franchise’s heroes can save them from their inevitable fate inside the carton. Not even their wit or charm can protect them. They’re swallowed by the dark depths of the carton…

…This time, there is no saving the day (or night)!

Scene 1.5: Welcome to Lego Land

This beloved treasure chest is every mother’s (and her house help’s) worst nightmare!

I have been incessantly pricked by them. Spent mindless hours sorting them. At times even tried building them!

Thanks to these pesky bits, my vacuum cleaner and washing machine had to undergo multiple surgeries!

Legos have a habit of turning up everywhere- meals, trash, purse, sofa, bed, car, pots (flowers and otherwise!)- you name it. Every house is haunted by them.

I’m certain that these creatures procreate. Their numbers keep multiplying every time I enter their city.

While I’m pondering over this population explosion and measures to control it, I hear a familiar shriek: “THERE IT IS!”, as one of the packers pull’s out a ‘nail sized’ sword from behind the now-dismantled bed.

When it comes to these microscopic pieces, kids have the sharpest of memories. They can effortlessly recall which tiny block belongs to which model and how it should be reattached. Yet, somehow, this very memory fails them the moment they are presented with a simple math piece!

Shrieks aside, the Lego models rarely receive any care (much to the dismay of their engineers). They go crumbling inside a carton.

Scene 1.6: Raising Triathletes – The Home Decathlon Store

Our parents were always worried that spending too much time on sports would stop us from becoming doctors, engineers or lawyers. Now, as parents of Gen Alpha and Gen Z, our concerns have taken a complete turn. We’re worried that our kids might actually become one !

We’re all busy raising the future Messis & Ronaldos, Tendulkars & Kohlis, Nadals & Djokovics, Williamses & Sabalenkas of the world. Sports is the new academia. The grand vision we hold for our children is to conquer the sporting world first. If that doesn’t pan out, those books will still be there…waiting!

The rise of ‘Decathlon’ has only added fuel to this frenzy. Weekend trips to the sports store has made one thing clear: the most realistic game our kids are playing is: Match the equipment to the sport!

But let me let you in on a secret. We moms are playing the ‘reverse psychology‘ game. Before long, the mere mention of ‘sports’ will fill our kids with ‘dread’. When they finally turn back to their long-neglected ‘science’ books, we’ll know we’ve succeeded!

As I stand reflecting on my clever little manipulation, Packer 1 passes the ball to Packer 2 in midfield, who effortlessly drives it straight into the box.

And with that, ladies and gentlemen, the ‘Packing game‘ comes to an end. The pros shake hands in triumph, celebrating their victory as they emerge unscathed from the ‘Escape Room‘. Done and dusted !

As the last symphony of ‘Drag, Dump, Rip – Snap and Scratch’ approaches decrescendo, a wave of relief washes over you. The packing is done, and all that remains is the final step – moving it.

Needless to say, that is a fresh round of clamor-filled performance that requires the audience (and the author) to rest and recoup!

So long, until Part III.