The Art and Craft of Moving – My Step-by-Step Approach to Relocation – Part I

Excitement ,

Anticipation ,

Nostalgia ,

Glee ,

Uncertainty ,

Stress ,

Relief !

–  a blend of emotions as one navigates moving into a new home.

I have experienced these emotions and been in this flux numerous times – whether single, married, or with children. Every milestone in my life has been marked by varying square meters, switching abodes every 2-3 years since I left my hometown.

The homo-sapiens moved in search of food and shelter. For me, the reasons became more nuanced: higher education, career opportunities, marriage, children, better schools, and so on.

I’ve relocated within cities, across states, suburbs and even countries. 13 times and counting!

With all my nomadic experience, you will think I’d feel apathy by now. But whenever I hear those lovely three words, “ We gotta move !”, it’s different. Every shift has brought with it a novelty of emotions.

Read ahead and discover my musings on this latest move, as I saw those empty boxes stack up, sparking yet another round of “empty talks” in my mind.

EPISODE 1: When he breaks the news

 “It’s time!” he announced in his breaking news voice.

 “4.5 years!” I pondered to myself.

With this new record of living in one place set, it was time to set other things in motion.

The moment you learn you have to move, you tend to view every nook and corner of your house in a new light.

You embark upon a critical analysis of each of your possessions, starting with the living room (‘coz that happened to be the place where I got the news!).

And so I began thoroughly examining the worldly possessions that make up our concrete cage!

Scene 1.1: You (no longer) bring light to my life – “The Flickerance of the Lamp”

The first object to face my critical stare is the one trying to hide in the corner – The flickering Lamp.

“I feel geometric designs have had their run. It’s time to reintroduce the bohemian style”, I observe artistically.

The poor Lamp, through no fault of its own, is not looking forward to sharing space with the long-abandoned “industrial” design (from one of the previous moves). Its flickering, which had caught my attention earlier, is simply a desperate plea for a bulb replacement – not for voluntary retirement!

But I’ve already made up my mind as I add the first casualty to my mental list of rejections.

Scene 1.2: You’re (no longer) my Cushion of comfort – “The Fading Softness”

Next in line are the cushions I have been yearning to replace.

“They look dull, worn out, and tawdry. It seems that these are sucking the radiance out of the room rather than enhancing it.”, I told myself.

And let’s not forget, these certainly won’t compliment my newly embraced (mid-life) bohemian décor phase!

The unfortunate cushions, no longer able to hide behind the surrounding dullness, seem to disagree with me as they challenge my verdict.

“Turn on the lights or draw back the curtains, and I’ll be the blinding light that you seek!” they seem to be crying out in frustration.

Alas! If only they could talk!

Item two: mentally handcuffed and escorted to join the Lamp.

Scene 1.3: Only time will tell (It’s not!) – “The Time Teller”

The wall clock – our hourly sentinel, tasked with ensuring no appointments or school buses are ever missed.

As I look at it, I can’t help but agree with my sons. The Timekeeper just can’t seem to keep up with the actual time. No wonder the boys are always running late!

It takes me a split second to come up with an aesthetically pleasing replacement as a “cuckoo” echoes in my mind.

Perhaps the mechanical bird could accomplish the seemingly impossible task of waking my boys up. Something the living, breathing ones can’t quite manage, no matter how loud they chirp!

Meanwhile, the clock’s pendulum seems to spring into action, swinging faster than usual in my direction. It acts as if it’s trying to break free and smack my head, shouting, “TRY CHANGING THE BATTERIES!”

Subconsciously, I do hear its pleas, as this one doesn’t share the same fate as the previous two. It won’t face an early retirement, just a minor relocation – moving to a less prominent wall.

And so, I undertake a full-scale analysis, room by room, wielding the hammer of my penultimate decision on various items – carpets, chairs, tables, and so on.

“Why penultimate?” you wonder. Well, because my husband will become the voice for these suppressed and somewhat innocent victims. Through his persuasive claims, he might be able to restore justice to their lives, returning a few of them to their rightful places!

Determined to banish a majority of them, I begin crafting counter-arguments to present during their prosecution.

EPISODE 2: The Break-ups – “Never will I ever…“

I invented a little “packing game” called “Never will I ever…” a while back. This was to make the entire process a bit more interesting. It’s quite similar to its well-known counterpart, “Never have I ever…”.

Though, unlike the original version, wherein (after a few drinks) you are coaxed into revealing your deep secrets, this one doesn’t put you in that spot.

No need to wake up the next morning feeling embarrassed or regretting that you shared a piece of information that was supposed to be exclusive!

The idea of “Never Will I ever…” is quite simple. You pick up an item and admit to yourself that you will never use it. You will never need it. You will never play with it, read it, see it, or hear it. And then you jettison the cargo, reducing the mess around you.

Here are some examples of this fun packing game :

Example 1: The Skinny Fit jeans.

 Those skinny-fit jeans! You bought these with the hope of fitting into them once that “15-day full-body fat burn workout” trimmed your waistline by a couple of inches. Two years and many workouts later, the only thing that has trimmed is your hope.

 “Never will I ever…fit into those jeans!”➡ Carton: TOSS OUT!

Example 2: The Beginner’s Guide to Learning Guitar.

25 years and two guitars later, if master guitarist was ever the goal, it’s safe to say…

“Never will I ever…become Carlos Santana!” ➡Carton: DITCH IT!

(What about the 2 guitars? I’m hoping my offspring might strum up a surprise sometime in future!)

Example 3: Strategy Board Games, Scrabbles, Science kits

Still in their prime – brand new, sealed and pristine condition.

“Never will the kids ever…open these!” (let alone play!) ➡ Carton: DONATE IT!

Example 4: The Broken Shoe Rack.

A casualty of the last move – just a few missing nuts and bolts – nothing he couldn’t fix…or so you thought!

4.5 years later,  “Never will he ever…get around to fixing it!” ➡Carton: MOVE ON!

TIP :

While dealing with items such as those in Examples 3 & 4, playing this game alone is advisable.

I continue playing this Solitaire for the next few days till the clutter is cleared & conquered! leading up to the next task.

EPISODE 3: The Patch-Ups – “Object Resuscitation“

What cannot be “Carton-ned” must be “Patched-Up”!

There are things that one puts off repairing until they’re needed. This deadline usually falls between 24 hours and a week, depending on the extent of one’s chronic procrastination behavior.

Or, in my case, until the next time you move houses. Honestly, hauling around broken items is downright uncivilized!

Hence, I focus all my efforts on fixing the items listed below :

• The Rusty Guitar Strings  – Because the moment the boys arrive at the new place, they’ll want to pick up those Santana pieces right where I left off.
• The Wedding Juicer (from the wedding 16 years ago) – Since going natural (cuisine-wise) is the culinary mantra.
• The Tower Fan – In its youth, it elevated the cool factor of anyone standing within a proximity of 360 degrees. A shadow of its former self, the coolness quotient is now restricted to a mere 60. Need to supply it with the necessary supplements.
• The bikes for the Tour de France – The boys’ bicycles need a good tune-up and a clean-up so that they’re ready to collect international dust this time.
• The timeless Tachymeter Chronograph – The iconic watch, now overshadowed and replaced by the truly tacky smart one.
• The Visions – Those eyeglasses are desperately in need of an operating system upgrade (new lenses) for a clearer, scratch-and-smudge-free view.
• The Voyagers – The worn-out wheels on the luggage, which no longer go round and round.

With the addition of a few more items, the worklist is now efficiently managed. I let out a weary sigh as I proceed to the third quarter of the self-packing stage.

EPISODE 4: They come with “Excess Baggage“

In times like these, life offers plenty of things to appreciate – your children being one of them.

But don’t get me wrong! I don’t have those ‘model kids’ eagerly helping with the packing, nor do I entertain such a delusion.

My reason for appreciation is purely practical – kids provide extra ‘storage space’ at no additional cost!

Thanks to this excess baggage allowance (bless those nagging elders who insisted on us having two kids!), I get the luxury of packing those “absolutely necessary non-essentials” –

SHOES!

I relish packing to fine musical tunes, and Nancy Sinatra’s classic, “These boots are made for walkin’!” seemed to provide the perfect soundtrack this time.

As I hum along, rounding up these ‘foot prisons’, I couldn’t help but chuckle at the irony of the lyrics  – “…and that’s just what they’ll do…!”

Little did Ms. Sinatra know that by the 2020s, in the hands of Gen Alpha, these boots would be doing everything but walking.

They’d endure terrains that redefine the very concept of walking – to the point where, regardless of brand or price, their lifespan would shrink to under three months!

The fall-off at the end of the riff in the song echos the loss of my small fortune on these defenseless stride armors.

Ding-dara-ding-dara-ding-dara-ding…

As I look around the house, I know that there is still lots to be done.

These ‘lots’ are simply ineffable so I’ll spare you the details and jump straight to the halfway point.

But wait not so fast! I need a break!

Stay tuned for Part II and read the next leg of episodes where I ultimately seek “Professional Help“!